Never look to the sky and ask the Universe “Ok, what’s next?”.
As I’ve written before, my mom passed on February 5th this year. Now to add: My partner’s mom passed on September 7th.
Their deaths were “expected” in both cases (my mom’s due to cancer, his mom’s due to age and just being ready to go). But you never really expect it to happen.
We’re both in different stages of being “off” at the moment. My swings are less swingy. His are just starting. There was a moment when we just stared at each other after his mom passed and thought, “What the hell?”
But we still have bills to pay and lives to lead. Hence, this spread for getting back on track. My creative mind is dormant at the moment, so I’m just calling this one “A spread to get back on track”. I came up with it to force myself to stop, think, and - hopefully - regroup. Feel free to use. You don’t have to wait until something dramatic happens: It also works after a rough week.
And as always, your mileage may vary.
Card 1: So what happened?
Six of Pentacles
The Six of Pentacles shows a dominant figure standing with two people kneeling under them. The standing person is delving out coins - pentacles - with one hand, while holding a scale in the other. Power plays and imbalance are the usual interpretations.
My take: The balance in my life - our lives - has changed. The receiver has become the giver. I was still dealing with my mom’s death - and my partner was supporting me - when his mom died. When the latter happened, there was a shift. Now we’re both trying to figure out when is a good time to allow space for our own grief without negating the other’s.
Another way to look at this card is that two women - two extremely strong women - have left our lives. Whether their actions in raising us were right or wrong, they were grounding forces. The two people kneeling - perhaps me and my partner - are now looking up into emptiness. The mothers - the balancing forces - have left. What remains is a void.
Card 2: How did this affect / impact you?
Knight of Wands
The knight has jumped back on its horse and ready for battle. But wait...where are they going? The knight is headed left - towards the Six of Pentacles. Have they noticed the void? Quick! Do something! Get to work! Come up with some ideas! You need a distraction! Fill that hole!
My take: My brain is scattershot. So much has happened. I have ideas, but I forget them just as quickly as they come. I actually have reminders on my phone that remind me to look at my reminders.
My work brain is also off. For example, I wrote probably the best freaking video storyline of my life for my job (I exaggerate, but work with me here). That Oscar-winning video storyline was on my laptop. Which I left at reception in the building where I work. Which was locked by the time I realized it hours later.
Knight of Wands energy is all over the place. No focus. Just running around trying to fix things. And failing. I need to rein this in.
Card 3: How are you doing now? At this moment?
Ace of Pentacles
“Spiritual work leads us to recognize the magic in normal things, in both nature and civilization, and then go beyond them to greater knowledge, symbolized by the mountains. The exit from the garden forms an arch very similar to the wreath of victory surrounding the World Dancer. As the Minor Arcana comes to an end, the Ace of Pentacles shows us once more how, when we are ready, the Gate always opens to the truth.” - Rachel Pollack, Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom
Have I exited the garden on my own? Or was I pushed? Whichever way, I’m trying to view our losses this year in the framework of normality and “magic”. Not the exciting, glittery, magic wand, Instagram-ready magicK. I’m talking about the everyday, boring magic. The magic of opening our eyes in the morning. The magic of brushing our teeth. Of putting our clothes on. Of doing a day’s work in the office or at home. Of showering. Of getting in bed and closing our eyes.
And perhaps not opening them again.
Every aspect of our daily lives is contained in the Ace of Pentacles. My spiritual work has helped me come to this realization.
Card 4: Are you ready to move on?
Ten of Swords
This is a tricky one. The Ten of Swords usually means, at least to me, “oh good grief get over yourself”. But in this constellation - and keeping the “10” in mind - perhaps it means completion. This is it. The worst is over. Even if you can’t see yourself doing so, you’ve *got* to make the decision to move on.
One crux for me is that I’m all air signs. I contemplate and contemplate and contemplate. The swords go through my body into the earth and leave me stuck.
Am I ready to move on? I think yes. But I need to do it without overintellectualizing each and every sword I pull out of my back.
Card 5: Suggestions for “tomorrows”
Page of Pentacles
I wrote “tomorrows” for a reason. Sometimes when we’ve found the strength to pull ourselves out of the shit and bounce back, we make grandiose plans. We go overboard.
“Screw all y’all. I’m off to climb the Matterhorn.”
Note that I’ve actually said this. Hey, the Matterhorn is just a 3-hour train ride away. It could happen.
The Page of Pentacles signals the focused student, perhaps zeroing in on the basics. Take each tomorrow one by one, and not as a whole. Learn and be curious like the Page. Ground. But do so by starting small. Take baby steps. You could even try a new physical way of doing so. For example: I hate walking barefoot, even in my own home. How about I take my house shoes off tomorrow night for a few minutes and walk around my flat?
Maybe the next day, or the day after, graduate to the grass in the park near where I live? (Ew. Ick.)
As I said, feel free to give this spread a shot. And let me know how you get on.